Exposed: My Battle with FEAR (part 1)

A deep-rooted fear: the world finds out my story and rejects me all the same. Opening up and sharing my life struggles with people is not easy for me. The deeper I get into this blog, the longer it takes to post a new one.

My life wasn’t easy growing up. I faced persecution and ridicule just like every other apostolic young person, taking a stand for Truth, but there was more. The spiritual fight was expected and I learned to defend my faith and actions at a young age. For that, I have been grateful.

However, it was the “me” outside of the spiritual persona that took the worst of it. People had a respect for the anointing and even encouraged it, but I was rejected. If I wasn’t singing or preforming academically, I was ignored.

I know all the ministry reading this now has started preaching: “it’s not about you anyways, we are to become small so God is Big.” I know, in fact, I just preached about the importance of David having a Saul in his life.

Back then, I couldn’t see how hateful digs against me or sideways glances were for my good. Even now, the pain etched into my heart years ago plays a part in how I react to people and situations in my life.

Something inside of me always wanted to believe the best in people and I still have that hope, but it has matured from the naïve, blind (misplaced) trust of people into a cautious approach. A good outcome is now a pleasant surprise instead of a failed objective.

TRUST. That’s a hard thing for me. Loosing trust in people became an incurable disease. My grandfather and father had always stressed the importance of a good name and being trustworthy, so when people began to violate that trust, It became harder to extend faith to people. My fear wreaked relationships and halted me from making true friendships, but the relationship that suffered most was God’s and mine.

The funniest part… God has called me to that very thing: loving those others rejected, rebuilding broken lives, and providing rehabilitation for those who have severed trusting relationships. When I am weak, He is strong…

To Be Continued...

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Look for part 2 of "Exposed: My Battle with FEAR" later this week

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